In many ways I’ve been feeling lost.
Lost in a spiritual and emotional sense which surfaces through in unexpected moments. Moments where I find myself in a foreign country, on a bus - swaying side to side, or in an ocean – floating in the waves, or at a table – surrounded by unfamiliar faces. And I start to think,
Why am I here.
But I don’t mean “here” as in on this bus, in this country, in the sea, or at the table.
I mean “here” as in on this planet.
So, why am I here? What is my meaning? What is my truth? What is my purpose? What is my path? What is my bliss?
Lost in the sense where I find myself wondering what the point of any of this life is?
If everything eventually fades, if we all eventually die, if nothing is permanent, then what is the point?
If we are all mortal imperfect beings then what is the point?
If everything we create, accomplish, value, and love eventually all fades to dust as well, then what in the world is the flipping point?
This is the inner dialogue that I have been grappling with, struggling with, coming to terms with.
This is me lost; like a child wandering alone in the great big forest, which is my mind.
But perhaps, being lost isn’t a bad thing or a state of darkness and destitute. Maybe instead it’s a place of hope and discovery.
Because as fear inducing as it can be being lost, being lost also means being open to any truth and any possibility.
And although I understand that, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It reminds me of how I always felt about the first day of school - undeniably full of exciting possibilities, but also frightening as fuck.
But the longer I sit in this feeling of being lost, the sweeter it begins to feel for me, and the more I begin to realize that, more than anything, being lost means entertaining an infinite expanse of possibilities, and an infinite breath of life, and that is a sweet sweet thing.
Sweeter than the fudgiest caramel slice you’ve ever eaten, sweeter than molasses, sweeter than a new born babe, sweeter than an innocent smile, and even sweeter than your first love.
What I’ve uncovered from my time wandering lost in the dark corners of my mind is this.
In our many rotations around the sun, and our time here in this quiet corner of our universe, we are but a passing speck of dust in the majestic grandness of this macrocosm of life.
We are a little blip on the timeline of our cosmos.
And we are all guests to this world. It was here before we existed and will persist long after we perish. We are just visitors, travelers who have come to witness this interesting phenomenon called life.
Our visit here will teach us many lessons, expose many truths, and show us many moments of bliss.
And it is our duty as visitors, to leave this world as untouched and unscathed as we can. It is our duty to understand this world we’re visiting to the best of our abilities. It is our duty to marvel at and appreciate what it has to offer. And it is our duty to pay due respect to its splendor.
We are travelers on a quest to FIND meaning, love, purpose, connection and our bliss. We are here to find and share our truth.
We are here to FEEL: to fear, to laugh, to cry, and to love. We are here to love. Man oh man are we here to love. We are here to love ourselves, love our fellow earthlings, love our home, and love with every ounce of our lost soul. We are here to love until our souls find their way, and until our hearts are ready to burst.
That is why we are here, that is why I am here. That is who I am.
I am a soul searcher, a questioner, a creator, a traveler, a wanderer, a lover, and a truth seeker.
I am a swirl of stardust, dancing in the wind.
I am here on this blue orb to visit and exist for but a second, as a minute snippet in the infinite expanse of eternity.
And maybe, just maybe, finding my way out of the deep dark forest of my mind is about understanding that although our lives are but a pitiful slice in time, while it lasts, it is a most poignant beautiful slice in time.