We are all matter. And matter is made of particles. And the building blocks of particles are subatomic particles- protons, neutrons, electrons.... the list of subatomic particles goes on and on... quarks, strings etc... but fundamentally we are all relationships of energy.
Now as someone who is an empath and extremely sensitive to energy, I've learned that listening to my intuition and gut instinct is me listening to the energetic gauge I'm feeling from the people and places surrounding me. As a kid, I grew up in a very tumultuous environment where everyday was a guessing game. It was an energetic battlefield and some days a white flag was waving, a treaty had been made, and there was peace among the ranks. And other days there'd be open fire and a fully armed battalion from each side throwing bombs and missiles all over the place. So on those days, I learned to tip toe around the battlefield, and throw up my own shields to protect myself.
My upbringing was the perfect way for me to learn how to first feel out the energy that awaited me downstairs and then to navigate this energetic battlefield. And now decades later, I'm still very much the same. The war downstairs is over, but I still feel all the energy because my mind still thinks it needs to do so to protect myself. I now see this as a divine gift. But like everything, it's a double edged sword.
I just can't help extending my heart to those around me and beating in harmony with the symphony of their energy so they feel not so alone. I love bringing the energy they need to help plant more joy and less worry in the people I love. I love being able to meet people where they're at, and feeling where their insecurities lie and healing by standing in that sticky muddy messy place right there with them. But I also soak up all the negative energy I can feel around me. I feel the resentment, fury, blind ambition, blame, and superficial attention grabbing that exists in spades in our world today, and it can affect me for hours and sometimes days.
But I've learned how to create more boundaries, how to create protective shields to repel energy that doesn't serve me, and to just physically remove myself from places where I know that energy exists whether in places or in people. This is why if you know me in real life, I am picky. I am picky as to who I truly let into my life. I am picky as to who I want to spend my time with, and the environment I want to breathe and sleep in. I am picky. To others it seems privileged, or difficult, or even petty. But to me, it is a form of honouring myself and caring for my spirit.
I can't and do not expect everyone to understand, but to the other empaths out their, protect your energy, if your sponge has been soaked and filled with all the negative energy it leaves little room for all the wonder and beauty that is waiting for a heart like yours to drink up and get drunk on its grandeur. And as most of you know, Bonny is one of those souls who Is pure love, and who I want to spend time with, who I want in my life. These are the people who's friendship is steadfast and doesn't waver, and who see beyond your physical self. As most of you know I don't look like this anymore, but does that mean the people who love me most don't love me as much anymore? No. And so nor should it change how much I love myself anymore.